You all know that I have no problems admitting that some things I do may come across as weird. I’ve always enjoyed spending a lot of time alone but never truly understood the reason. I know now that it’s because I’m a writer. As a writer, we need a lot of time to think.

On my way to work one day, well everyday—I think about my writing—it’s the only thing that deters me from walking into that office and saying F*** it.

The more I thought about it, the weirder I thought I was. I started making a list. Well, here are some of my weird writing muses:

  1. No matter what’s going on in my life—stress or sadness—there’s something about water that soothes me.
    1. If I take a shower, I find that I either wash off my gloom or as if the words flow from the water onto me.
    2. If it rains—oh my goodness this is the most powerful muse for me. Listening to the rain drops on the window pane is so invigorating.
  2. Music—sometimes it can be a hindrance. It all depends on my mood. If it’s blasting in my ear, I can conjure amazing ideas then there are days when I have to turn the volume all the way down for me to concentrate.
  3. Closing my eyes—sometimes I lie in the bed and just think my story through to the end, like I’m watching a movie.
  4. Dreams—I swear I have the weirdest dreams! I believe there’s some message to be conveyed within the mayhem so I started translating them. I can go from thinking about a dream to coming up with some insane but wonderfully creative thoughts.
  5. Doodling—I’ll get a scrap paper and think. I’m not an artist so my ‘doodles’ normally looks like a four year old learning to hold a crayon.
  6. Talking to myself—I actually enjoy doing this; I’m my best friend. I started recording my thoughts and it helps when I’m working through problems with stories.
  7. Observe things, places or people. Like an artist sketching a portrait, I may take notes: write what I see no matter how simple it may appear.
I was curious to find out if other writers could relate. Tell me, what helps you to write? If you’re in a bad mood and you’re dedicated to writing each day, what keeps you focused? I would love it if you all would share.

 
 
Okay, you all are aware that I finished my script “Tomorrow maybe too late” MONTHS ago. I haven’t let it out of my hands yet. I wanted to make sure I stepped away from it long enough to be able to have an unbiased eye to it—hopefully to pick up any minor errors I may have missed. It turns out that even though I reread and reread, edited and edited for weeks, there were trivial formatting issues. When I say trivial, I mean in the sense that I picked up on it, but had I sent it out; I could’ve come across as unprofessional and amateurish. For the past few months, I’ve been contemplating on whether or not I should get an agent/manager or whether I should continue to work on my own. The funny thing is, having an agent/manager represent you does not spell success.

From the different articles I’ve read, a screenwriter is still expected to do his/her share of the work. The funny thing is that most prominent production companies won’t accept any manuscripts/query letters from writers without an agent. Even though many books say, “you don’t need an agent to make it in the industry,” I’m not trying to sit on my work and/or career for years before I make something happen.

Anyone that knows me understands that I’m a woman that doesn’t sit around and wait for things to happen. So after thinking long and hard, I came up with two options, weigh them out with me:

1.  I can potentially earn 90% of something—by working with an agent,

OR

2.   I can continue working solo and make 100% of nothing.

Well, the first option won. I’ve got a baby on the way and I’ve got to get something in rotation. I’m not saying that I will sell a script or two within the next 6 months but I’m going to try to build some repertoire in the industry. So what if I have to do the bulk of the work even with an agent—it’s my work!!

For the producers that require agent representation, I can have my agent submit my work as opposed to it coming directly from me. I need to be doing this for a living. I need to be compensated for my talent. I’m a great writer. My work is profound; contains depth, concept, intriguing characters and it’s down right captivating. I’m ready to share my other talents with the world and I’m going to do what it takes to get to that place.

Wish me luck, guys! Hopefully I’ll have some news to share, soon.
Nai’lah

 
 
This pregnancy has been very interesting—in the sense that I haven’t been myself at all. I’m aware that my body is going through a lot of changes and I thought that I was ready for it. The past couple of weeks, I haven’t been doing much of anything. In addition to having morning sickness that extends throughout my entire day: nausea, dizzy spells, regurgitating and not being able to hold anything down; I have been literally EXHAUSTED!

Juggling my family, writing and my dead-end job is just too much for me to handle right now. I’m hoping that after the first trimester, I will regain my strength and start feeling like myself again. Right now, all I do is sleep. I can literally sleep day in, day out. My appetite has decreased severely. I’m a tiny little thing but I love to eat. Everyone tells me that I must have a high-metabolism because I don’t gain any weight. Well, lately I’ve been eating like a bird. I made a tuna sandwich with one slice of bread because that was all that I could sustain. Trust me when I say, “That is not like me at all!”

I guess this is a little difficult for me because I have so much that I’m trying to get done before the baby gets here. I redid my schedule at least five times and only crossed off about two or three things on my list. Being unproductive is somewhat disappointing—very disappointing but I’m trying to understand that I have to allow my body to process my new circumstance. So as the time rolls by, I hope that I am back to normal: soon!

If you would, please share your stories with me here or on Twitter using the hashtag, #pregnancywoes. As always, I look forward to reading your responses. Thanks for all the kind words and support.
Nai’lah

 
 
_ You know they say that sometimes things must happen in order for you to have a wake up call? I feel like I’ve been gone for a long time. I just visited my website to notice that I haven’t posted anything in about a month. Coming to grips with this, made me a little upset.

I wasn’t planning on sharing the news for another couple of weeks but it’s been long enough. Things have been very chaotic over the last five weeks but it’s time to open up to my readers about my life—as it stands.

It seems as if I’ve been gone for so long—mentally and physically; I drifted away. I’ve been literally sick to my stomach for the last five weeks. It was as if someone/something swooped down and took all my strength, leaving me depleted of any exuberance or energy. As a result this negatively affected me mentally. It was depressing to be unproductive. I think the hardest part of this duration was the fact that I wanted to work but couldn’t.

Over the thanksgiving weekend, I found out that I was having another baby! Now, people say that every pregnancy is different. If my first pregnancy was this bad, I would’ve had one child and tied my tubes after. LOL. I’m so serious. Initially this pregnancy was so horrible for me. I’m sure you’ve all heard about morning sickness, well my sickness was lasting all day for days at a time! I’m a tiny little thing but I love to eat. Now, the smell of food makes me ill. You would think that I’m on some type of diet—I can barely eat a thing. It’s sickening. I will be so elated once my appetite returns.

As if these ailments aren’t bad enough, I’ve been snapping at my husband, kid and puppy like crazy. My husband came home one day and I was yelling at my five-year-old because he wasn’t sitting on the couch the way I wanted him to. (Another pet peeve I’ve adopted since I got pregnant…) my husband looked at me then at my son. My son looked at his dad, shrugged his shoulders then said, “She’s been yelling at me all day.” He had the most innocent, pitiful look on his face. I felt so horrible because I didn’t realize what I’d been doing. I had to explain to him that I wasn’t feeling well and haven’t been myself lately. I apologized for yelling at him then five minutes later I was about to snap but instead I inhaled. He looked at me and said, “Mom, don’t worry about it. I know you’re irritated” LOL. OMG, my kid is so mature for his age.

The smallest things make me cry. Okay okay, so I’m overly emotional on a regular day so the pregnancy just elevated it. I was watching the Burger King commercial with the messy baby eating at the table that makes the cutest face to the father that ate his burger just as messy as the kid. I burst into tears. Don’t ask me why. Another time, I was warming up some food in the microwave and I burst into tears. I know you’re thinking, “WTF?!” Yes, I had the initial reaction—when you can look at your own actions and think “you’re a lunatic”, chances are you ARE crazy! LOL.

In case you’ve been wondering where I’ve been; I’ve been in bed/on the couch/hurling in the bathroom/dragging myself to work. It’s been bad! However, over the last week, I’ve been feeling GREAT! Okay maybe not great but better. I’m not one-hundred percent there but I’d say that I’m about seventy percent back. I’m not writing as often as I’d like to but until things return to normal, I have to work at the pace, the baby allows me to. I’ll keep you all posted on my progress. Thanks for always supporting me you all!

I wish everyone a bright and prosperous new year!
Nai’lah