Sometimes it seems as if I’m moving backwards instead of progressing forward. With each day, I face more tribulations. As I reflect on 2011, it’s as if my trials have multiplied while my triumphs were subtracted then divided into smaller pieces. Though I’m growing as an individual each day, I feel like my career, my life and my path continues to take me further into an abyss of incompletion.
I’m always yearning for better and brighter days. I’m always, dreaming. I exist only in what I would like things to be for me and my family. I work hard, sacrifice, struggle—willing to do what’s necessary to make my goals tangible. Intangibly, I’m grasping, reaching out when I clench my fist to see what I attain; it’s less than nothing in the palm of my hands. I’m always left with the dreams, my dreams and hopes that things will get better.
“One day at a time, it will happen.” Sometimes it’s harder to believe on the bad days especially. I will continue to strive, to dream, to be. I will continue to write and fight for what I hope to one day attain. My life—I’m reflecting on it and I hope that one day my prayers will be answered.
I’m a starving artist!
For those who know me and stay abreast with my daily activities understand that this pregnancy has been kicking my butt. I’m four and a half weeks pregnant, now. In addition to being nauseous, grumpy, achy, bloated; I’ve been drained to say the least.
Normally it was easy for me to juggle my nine-to-five, tend to my family then work until the wee hours of the morning on some grand writing project. Not that my writing fails to sustain my passion—I love who I am when I can write. I use the word, “can” now because well…I just don’t have the energy anymore. I was hoping that once I got past the first trimester things would be back to normal but I’m still experiencing the morning sickness. Things are getting better.
Getting used to the changes and not being able to do it all seems like a hindrance. I feel like an old lady—it’s as if in the past few months, I’ve added on about thirty years to my body and spirit. During the day while I’m at work, I think about all the great things I will work on that night. However, by the time I get off from work and take care of things at home, I’m too exhausted to do much of anything. Then, by 8:30 PM; I’m in the bed until the next day.
Okay okay, so what I try to be super woman and sometimes it doesn’t always work. I’d rather die trying to achieve something rather than dreaming of doing it but never putting those thoughts to action. I remember (a few months ago) going to work like a zombie because I was up all night writing. Even though I was irritated as heck by my coworkers and upper management, I was comforted by the fact that I was sticking to my writing schedule. I made a promise to myself that I’d be a professional writer by 2012. You see, nothing matters to me more than this writing. I understand that this nine-to-five bull-shit is only for a time.
I was becoming a little frustrated with my new circumstance—not that I was unhappy about being pregnant but unhappy that due to my circumstance, I was being forced to slow down! My family and friends tell me time and time again, you need to rest. When do you sleep? When do you do anything outside of take care of your household and writing? Some don’t understand; I live and breathe this writing!
My health and the health of my little tiger is most important to me so…I am slowing down and only doing what I believe my body is telling me I can do. I’m stubborn but I’m finally listening to my body and all of you, who have said, ‘take it in stride’. With that said, understand that I’m still grinding—just taking it slow for the sake of my unborn. Being a mom comes before everything so I’m doing what I need to.
To all those that continue to support me and The Writer’s Block on Thursdays, thank you! I will not disappoint!
Stay tuned…there’s so much in stored for me and for you, my readers.
When I started looking into ways to network, I was told to ‘get on Facebook!’ Well, I’ve done so and maybe I’m not using Facebook to its fullest capabilities. Or maybe I just don’t ‘get it.’ What’s the big deal? How is it such a great networking tool? Okay so you can create thought provoking questions or statements and people can converse about an issue—big deal! I do that on Twitter daily.
Maybe it’s about preference. I think that Facebook is more sociable as opposed to being beneficial. You can keep in touch with friends that you haven’t seen in years. Well, if I wanted to keep in touch with a specific person, wouldn’t I have their contact information? If I haven’t talked to you since we were in high school, then chances are I don’t want to talk to you now. Facebook is a remarkable tool if I was a stalker but as a writer, I just don’t get it.
When it comes to Twitter, I’m all over it. I get a chance to express thoughts, meet great writers and people from different walks of life; I think it’s amazing.
I’m curious about my readers’ input, how do you all feel about Facebook? Please share your thoughts; I’m eager to learn.