Before I went out on maternity leave I used to be so frustrated with my current situation. Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for all that God blessed me with but was upset with myself because I wasn’t where I wanted to be.

I’m a writer that wasn’t writing for a living. Even though I attained my degree with a 3.7 grade point average; I’m not using it. I eagerly want the liberty to wake up and write but most importantly to be compensated for my talent. In my current position, I’m not doing anything remotely close to what I want to do.

I would tweet all day about how much I hated my job. I was steadily trying to find something else…anything else. I went out on maternity leave and couldn’t have been happier. When it was time to return, I was struggling with separation anxiety and depression.

Realizing that my situation is stagnant; I started mentally preparing myself for my return. By the time I was back to work I had this notion: no matter how long it takes; I will consciously and subconsciously make every effort to achieve my goals to become a full-time writer. My situation hasn’t changed but I feel much better. I no longer dread being at work; I understand that this is only for a time. With hard work and determination; I will achieve all my goals. I accept my 9-5 job and I’m grateful that I can provide for my children. A lot of people do not have that luxury so instead of complaining about what I don’t have; I’m appreciating the things I attain. God is good when he’s ready to bless me with more; I’ll gladly accept it. For now, I’ve adjusted my attitude and looking in the future instead of the present. I am a great writer and I will be rewarded with the acclamation I deserve. I made a decision to think positive and this has helped tremendously. I have this new found tranquility that helps me through my struggles.

If you’re a ‘starving artist’ like me and you can relate to this blog, try adjusting your lenses. Trust me; you’ll be less perturbed because your vision will not focus on what’s NOT right but on the things that are.

 
 
I cannot wait to go on maternity leave. I’m so much more irritated with the bullshit at work; maternity leave cannot get here any faster. Now, I’m not a big person and even though I’m 28-weeks/7 months pregnant I’m still fairly tiny. However, you can tell that I’m pregnant.

Of course here comes the idiot with the stuff that makes me want to hurl someone out of a window. I exit the bathroom to be greeted by a coworker—an older lady that clearly loves to hear herself talk. I’m cordial as always; I bid her the time of day. She looks at my tummy and says, “Are you pregnant?” I wanted to get a skillet and go upside her head. Seriously, if I could’ve turned into Hulk and rip the sink off the counter and slapped the foolishness out of her; I would’ve. “What the hell? Am I pregnant? Bitch, yes I’m pregnant—get out my face with that dumb shit!” This was my initial reaction but I suppressed the urge to let loose and politely replied, “yes” and quietly left while she continued her conversation about who knows what but I didn’t care. Okay so that was a bit rude but it was better than my initial response.

Did I tell you all how intolerable I’ve become since I’ve been pregnant? Okay okay so I hate my job and it doesn’t take much to push me off the edge. I can get mad at someone for saying good morning to me in a jolly mood on Monday then get equally upset at that person for not saying good morning to me in a jolly mood on Tuesday. My sister tells me I’m moody—LOL—okay okay you’re right, sis. I admit it! I’ll be stubborn and use the excuse that I’m pregnant but we all know that it’s just that I hate my job!

Anyway, like I said before—come on maternity leave!! I welcome you into my life! Man, am I going to be hurting when it’s time for me to return to work after I have the baby. Not sure how I’ll do it but I believe that God has something planned for me.

Aright folks, I just knocked out three blogs in an hour. It’s time to get to work on project numero tres! Let’s hope I can stay up for at least an hour—plan on going to work early tomorrow so let me get going. Stay tuned, folks.

Nai’lah

 
 
There’s always something going on at work. I noticed that my employer wants to get the most out of me and compensate me with as little as possible. They see that I offer a lot to the company but instead of giving me a position where I can utilize my talents or my degree, they constantly feed me with the, “this will be a great experience…” and nothing more. I really want to tell my supervisor to get the HELL out of my face with the crap! Some days I don’t have the patience for it but I’m working at getting better.

I’ve had so many say to me, ‘you’re so smart; why are you still here?” I wonder at times, is it because I’m the only black associate in my team? Or is it because I’m black and a woman? I hate to throw racism in the mix but what else can it be?

My supervisor assigned me to a “new project” working with another group. The assignment lacks technicality but as the supervisor trained me, she was so surprised that I picked up on it so quickly. Are you kidding me?

A day or two later my supervisor decided to ask me about my experience. Being utterly disgusted and feeling disrespected at his ridiculousness; I allowed my irritation to show on my face. My supervisor went on and on about, how this was another GREAT opportunity to learn more about the business. I was looking at him like he had two heads and a breast in the middle of his forehead.

After he realized I wasn’t eating the bullshit he tried to feed me, he said, “I know; it’s not challenging.”

I retorted, “No, it isn’t. I’m simply helping the group! I’m not learning anything.”

He thanked me for being a team member...you know, more bullshit! I wanted to pimp slap his stupid ass! You think I can’t decipher through the foolishness? He had the nerve to ask me to do the work of an analyst and in the same breath say, I won’t be able to offer you a promotion. Hold the HELL UP! Say what? You want me to do the work of an analyst but you’re not going to compensate me as an analyst? How do you say that to someone with a straight face?

When anyone in my group needs help with any application (because I’m very tech-savvy)—Business Objects, Excel, Adobe Captivate, Magic Info Pro, and so on, who do these idiots approach? Me! I’m the only one in my group that has a Bachelor’s degree—it just makes me say, hmm. The people in my group act as if the tasks they perform are so mind boggling and only they have the answers. Little do they know that I can do it all too. It’s sad that when they realize you’re good at something. Instead of giving you an opportunity to grow, they want to use your talents but not give you credit for it.

I’m no longer offended because I know greater things are in stored for me.

I’m not going to kiss anyone’s ass or stroke anyone’s ego. If I feel a certain way about something, I’m going to express those feelings. So instead of stressing myself I simply STOPPED being the ‘nice person’. I take my job for what it is—a bi-weekly paycheck. I no longer let these things bother me because I know that only God controls my path.

 
 
Hi guys, so I said this before but I’m going to start telling you about the different things that happen at work so you all can understand my frustration. I will relay this story as it occurred to me yesterday--

This blog is brought to you today after regular hours however I’m still at work. It’s dark outside but the office is lit up and there are still a few people scattered in here working. It’s about six in the evening and I’m not getting off until 8 pm.

As if I don’t have enough CRAP to deal with at work…check out what happens next. I get up to ask my coworker a question and what do I see running in slow motion in the hallway? A big ass mouse—ok it isn’t big but it’s a mouse. I screamed and I think my heart almost jumped out of my chest. There are things that I expect to happen at work like being out of paper, idiots walking up to my desk asking me stupid questions but a freaking rodent just breaking out of the hallway like he’s working for a check too?  Now I understand that you can’t control rodent infestation in a large office space especially since we’re located in the city. However there’s shit I’m not going to tolerate with and that’s rodents. What makes it worst is that the other women in my organization are unperturbed. They quickly return to their activities and I’m still shook.

You all know where I work so of course the bullshit doesn’t stop here. This chic decides to say, “Why are you scared of that little mouse? It’s more afraid of you than you are of it…” I wanted to flip that bitch out of her chair! I can’t stand it when people say that to me. Yes, I’m scared of a mouse so what? I keep a clean house so I’m not used to seeing those nasty creatures. I wanted to tell her to kiss the crack of my A$$ then GTFO my face!

Of course it doesn’t stop there. On my way to my desk, another coworker yells, “there it is!” Man I almost pounced on her back to avoid it. She couldn’t refrain from laughing. Of course I found no humor in the situation at the time.

With less than two hours, everyone left; I’m stuck here with Mickey lingering in someone’s cube. Because I’m scared that he comes back out, I’m banging my trashcan against my chair and saying (yes to the mouse) “I’m still here!!” I don’t want him to pop out; I’ll pass out if he does—I swear!

Instead of me worrying about getting out of here so late; I’m worried about a freaking mouse and if he’ll return to terrorize me. “I aint playing Mickey…you and Minnie gotta bounce!” Yes, still talking to the mouse as if he can understand me. My bag’s on my desk in case I have to run out of here. You know us women never leave without our pocket books. If it’s a life or death situation or anything going down at work, guess what, my car keys will be easily accessible and I can take my happy ass home!

Well, luckily for me—even though I was traumatized; the rodent didn’t come back out while I was there. I wasn’t taking any chances; I briskly tip toed and screamed “aaaahhh…” with my face twisted up like a pretzel. Laughing like an idiot at how silly I was being. I thought you guys would get a good kick out of this experience so I decided to write about it.

Thanks for reading.
Nai’lah

 
 
Okay, so you all know how much I love my job right? The long hours, the immobility and the jerks I work for…I hate it!! When my eyelids uncover my eyeballs on Friday morning, I’m elated! For the next couple of hours at work—I’m a giddy school girl. Why wouldn’t I be—T.G.I.G, right? No work on Saturdays and Sundays? That’s awesome. Well, that’s until Sunday gets here then I become depressed as I think about Monday. Isn’t that bad…especially considering the fact that I’m at work eight percent of the day—seven days a week, three-hundred and sixty-five days a year. If it sounds like I’m venting, I am. 

Walk into the shitty building. Let me take a step back, I have about a five minute walk from the company’s parking lot. I get in late so I have to park pretty far and it’s normally a eight to twelve minute walk. It depends on my mood too. If I’m in the “Urgh, I don’t want to be here,” mood it almost ALWAYS  takes twelve minutes. So, I’m dragging myself into the building…tweeting along the way. I’m approaching the front of the building and there’s a group of people to my right, smoking.  

About an hour or so, my coffee mug is empty and a bathroom break is much needed. After I take care of my business, I look out the window…not sure why; not considering jumping though…well on some days. Kidding. Any-who, I see the same group of people outside smoking. 

Took another break to tinkle, the same group are out there. I go out for lunch, the same group are out there. Return from lunch, same group…OK so you get the damn point! So my question is, when do these people work? Thinking about the time it takes them to leave their desks, catch the elevator or descend four or five flights then smoke a cigarette. I’m thinking their smoke break is at LEAST fifteen minutes long. Now, I don’t know how often they’re out there but I drink a lot of water so I use the restroom frequently—they’re there EVERY-TIME! 

My solution therefore is to adopt a bad habit, smoking. The only downfall for this plan is that I hate the winter time so I’ll probably have to be a seasonal smoker—only smoke during Spring, Summer and some of Fall.  I think we have a winner here. Don’t they have those fake cigarettes? I can use that and Tweet you guys more often during the day? Hell, I can download Microsoft Word on my iPhone and write…I mean “be on smoke break.” HA-HA! Look, I’m seeing this as a plus, plus here…less work, more time to network and write. What do you guys think? LMBO only kidding. Just thought this was an interesting topic to address. Let me know your thoughts.

Nai’lah

 
 
One day I’ll be able to say Deuces to this job like Chris Breezy did on that track. All the bullshit’s for the birds…this job is nothing but a means to pay my bills. Working for vultures, whose aim is to get as much as they can from you with as little compensation as possible. If you’re a doormat, they like you.

‘We have an open door policy’ is the crap they tried to feed me when I first started but the moment I said something that contradicted with their ‘regulations’, I was out of line and terms such as unpaid time off, comes up. What the FUCK? I’m being reprimanded for voicing my opinion?

Ok, so I’m doing all this extra work and initially you saw this as me taking initiative now all of a sudden these duties have become my duties ‘as assigned?’ I’m confused. There must be an “I’m a dummy” sign stuck to my forehead.

I offer these fools…my degree, expertise, willingness to learn and people skills just to name a few and they aim at keeping me stagnant? Is it because of my race that you won’t afford me upward mobility or because I am a woman. NO one else in my group has a degree…I’m confused.

Shit is over and I’m chucking my deuces up to this JOB. I’m moving onto something better…better…better…no more trying to work me to death for the same pay grade.

One day I’ll be able to say bye-bye to IT. Smile on my way to work instead of feeling down and counting down the hours. One day I’ll be fulfilled at what I do because I won’t always be doing this bullshit!

It’s going to be great—I am someone they won’t forget. They’ll try to offer me a job then but all I’m gonna say to them is…Look at me now! HA _HA

Deuces!
 
 
I am very grateful for all my blessings. However, at times I become frustrated with the way things are as I’m not where I would like to be. There’s something I need to address.

There are days when my alarm goes off and I can immediately fly off the bed, shower and get ready for work. There are other days when I hit snooze for about an hour or two, then finally get up—mad at the entire world! I plaster smiles on my face and sing songs to brighten my son’s day because like his dad, he is NOT a morning person.

Get stuck in rush hour traffic and sad to say, I’m normally fine because I’m not eager to get to work…well other days, depending on how late I am; I’m cursing out everyone and their mother about how horribly they’re driving. By the time I arrive to work, my ear drums are ringing from me blowing my horn after some idiot that cut me off.

I get to work and there are those that you immediately want to punch in the face! It’s 7 o’clock in the morning, why are smiling at me like your SpongeBob—so excited to be at work to make Krabby Patties?! At the top of your voice you yell, “Top of the morning!!! How are yah?” as if I’m yards away. Are you serious? SHUT UP! What the heck do you think this is? I’m at work! How do you think I feel at 7 a.m.? 

Try to sit at my desk in peace. If I don’t bother anyone, maybe no one will bother me; that’s my theory. EH! WRONG! You’ve got the idiots asking you stupid questions before you can even put your belongings away. I don’t know what’s more intolerable, stupid people asking me stupid questions or stupid people asking me crap first thing in the morning. I mean some of the stuff is absurd. “Hey, I’m new here. I want to send this letter via regular mail. Should I put it in the Inbox or the Outbox?” Ok am I being punked here? Is Ashton Kutcher about to jump out one of these cubicles? Where does it go? Are these people serious? AGAIN, I want to punch someone-in-the-face.

When I’m at work the day doesn’t go by fast enough. I think when it’s around 10 o’clock, time freezes for about an hour. Or worst, what about the lengthy meetings that discusses NOTHING. Couldn’t you all have sent an email? I have to sit in here with twenty people looking equally unenthused? Well, nineteen, I forgot the idiot that’s ALWAYS trying to make an impression on the supervisors. Yes, the idiot that has to ask a question just before we’re dismissed which causes us to be in there an extra fifteen minutes. Shut the H… up so I can get out of here!

Speaking of meetings, I was in a meeting yesterday and sat in the back along with a few others. The meeting coordinator says, “Next meeting, we’ll move the back row so everyone can sit up front? No more back rows!” then chuckles. With the ‘Is this chic for real’ blank stare on my face thinking, get me out of here—I become more pissed off! Ok, you’re a supervisor and you openly made that idiotic comment? I sat for 2 hours listening to blah blah blah blah…because it was total garbage to me. 

Another day, we had a blood drive at work. Filled out the paperwork to donate, the nurse called me into the private area to verify the information on my donation card, checked my iron level, blood pressure…and what not. This lady said, name, I responded, age, I replied to the question. Then asked, “Male or Female?” I remained silent as I assumed she was reading out loud. She repeated, “Male or Female?” Looking on with astonishment then at the traits that make me woman, still staring in bewilderment at the absurdity of the question this IDIOT just asked, I said, “I’d go with FEMALE for 500, Alex!” I mean seriously?? See what I mean when I say I experience things that make you want to drop kick some of these fools?

It’s ridiculous! I try to be humble and patient because I know this is only for a time. The time will come when I can wake up every morning and WRITE all…day…long! Let me think about that for a minute……….Hmmm yes, that will be great! I’ll see you guys when I get there. But for now, I’ll put up with the fools I work with and share the experiences. WoooSaaiii!