Oh my goodness. I can’t remember the last time I blogged. This new job has been consuming all of my time. Then again, I’ve been extensively ill for a couple of weeks so it’s been a little difficult trying to bounce back. There’s been a magnitude of distance that has grown between me, my
writing, family and friends (not in any specific order). My head is diluted with the stresses of life. As I make my way through the fog of my chaos, I try to tweet here and there, reply to texts and emails but not to the extent in which I was once indulged. I don’t feel as if I’ve so much fallen out of touch; I have been disconnected from my psyche. My actions though far from mundane have become routine. I merely do what I’m expected, react the way I should, say as what I deem to be
adherent to social etiquette. Am I going through a change? Most definitely. What, why…answers I’m not willing to share…
A few months ago…well a year and a half ago; I was focused on my writing, my family and nothing more. I would work non-stop at my 9
to 5 then I’d work at home on my writing, sometimes until sunrise. From mommy duties, to being a good friend, companion, confidant, advisor…I’m not saying I grew tired of the roles I played; things have happened lately where I was forced to see the effect of how unhealthy being everything to everyone has gotten. I’m not secluding myself from society. I am looking at myself from the outside looking in. I’m watching the dissolution of the mayhem of what I created. I am very passionate. When I love; I am loyal and devoted…I give until it hurts! Unfortunately, I started seeing how I was hurting myself. Not everyone deserved my love, adoration, attention, friendship, sisterhood. Not
everyone deserved the way I gave to them. I’d take the burdens of others, pack it onto mine and carry it with a smile on my face though the inside was hurting. I’d pretend to be happy, though the inside was screaming for help. I’d let others unload their worries to me but when the tables were turned, my problems were just that; my problems. I can’t be everything to everyone and I refuse to continue spreading myself thinly because I will crumble from the imbalance.
I’m not lost. I’m not unfocused. I know where I’m heading; I know what I have to do. My purpose is not to be perplex, or so profound that my words sound like mere conundrums. My only reservation is knowing how to put those things in the order in which they should be.
To you my readers, friends, and family that continue to be my rock; I thank you all for understanding my plight. I am on a journey and right now, your support is giving me the space I need. Don’t lose faith in me. I will be what I am destined to be.
I am greatness…in the making.
As I work on book number two, I wanted to make sure that you all were aware that the second edition of “You Have What it Takes”
is available, now! I ask that you please continue to support me the way you have. If you have a moment, I ask that you leave a comment on Amazon’s website.
I wrote this piece for #DropAline but I enjoyed my word play so much, I wanted to share with my Blog Readers.
Your scent sends chills down my spine
and cripples me from seeing beyond the obvious.
My 20/20 vision is blurred by your ‘I love you’s’,...
and your ‘I can’t do without you’.
Your touch invigorates climaxes as the climates
of my body temperature ignites.
Your voice burns echoes throughout my thoughts
And I can’t concentrate when you’re around.
Bitter sweet on my lips, the cosmic energy spirals
passionate aversions of mixed signals.
Love you, hate you…can do without you…
But on the other hand I feel I need you.
Merely expected to accept your ignorance
to my deepest dreams.
You’re blind to my existence.
I’m bound by my love.
I’ve been a little reluctant to share this but I’ve gotten over it. I was working on a Relationship column with an Editor in London for a stint in my writing career. To adhere to their regulations, I am unable to list the magazine.
Here’s a blog that I wrote… The writing style is different. It was a bit challenging to step outside of my comfort zone but it was worth it. I decided to list it under #AskNailah since that category is mainly focused on relationship questions.
Let me know your thoughts.
The inevitable is bound to occur when chemistry is mystically
overflowing. Company procedures are sometimes made to be broken. One mainly, office fraternizing; whoever created such an atrocious and inexplicable rule had to have been a forty something year old virgin still living at home in his mother’s basement.
Jiselle sat apathetically in the conference room as budgetary concerns were dryly discussed. It was like watching paint dry. Her thoughts were redirected from business to pleasure as a muscular man, skin dipped in caramel, deep dimples and succulent lips, with a hint of debonair quietly snuck in through the side door and sat next to her. Something about him was intriguing—maybe it was his smile, or maybe it was the “Acqua Di Gio” that permeated through his shirt to his pores.
What merely took ten minutes, felt like hours as he sat inches away; her curiosity was peaked when he said her name as she walked away. “This man is fine!” Seductively succumbing to his overpowering virility, she
found herself appeasing to his every need.
Ladies, critical mistake, “Never become the prey in a lion’s den!” There’s one thing about office politics that you should take heed to, this is a man’s world. There’s a difference in being dominating and being powerful. Men are attracted to strong women but let him chase you. Give enough but never too much.
Maybe it was a mixture of the cologne with his pheromones that lured her into his seductive eyes. Maintaining her composure and trying not to react the way her bodily fluids did, she assisted him as best as she could. He was the new guy and she had to show him the ropes. While reaching for some office supplies on the top shelf, her nervous hands knocked items off the shelf. He quickly came to her rescue, his body bounced into hers, breaths intertwined and escaped into naked air. She looked at him; he looked at her. The sexual tension was evident.
Jiselle’s naïve seduction is remarkable, here. Subtly is key—find elusive ways for him to touch you. Her anxiety elucidated that there was a spark between them. Ladies, okay I know what you’re saying; he’s not going to know. Yes, I know…men are dumb and you often have to hit them over the head with a cricket bat before they realize that you’re interested. Let’s take this one step at a time.
Quickly escaping the awkwardness like a thief at a crime scene, she fled to her desk. They’d longingly gaze at each other in passing along the hallways and the gratification of what she imagined it to be. Days later, the emails poured in; she couldn’t resist.
Naughty girl! As enticing and thrilling as the experience may appear to be, the key here is to quench satiety but not to lose your job in entirety. Men have a one track mind so don’t count on them to always do the right thing; always be smart.
Weeks later, they were texting. Steadily increasing the passion, the lust was mountainous. Logistically, strategizing ways to run into him; they devised an unsuspecting plan that would give them twenty conspicuous minutes. There was a room that no one had access to but her; she came from one direction, he left his desk with a notepad and pen and came from another. He opened the door, and there she stood, eager, yearning, and ready to take the risk of all risks.
Whoa! Warning! Warning! Have him take you out to lunch somewhere
with a motel that’s in close proximity. Have him in the bathroom of the
restaurant for crying out loud but never attempt to assuage your urges at the workplace.
Quietly, he shut the door; her impulses took control as she grabbed his face while his hands caressed her soft body. As their bodies met, it was a cosmic explosion of ecstasy. Their kiss was endearing and invigorating; they wanted more but as her hands made their way to his pants buckle, she heard echoes of footsteps on the outside. The door swung open and
they—well into plan B—were illustrating the changes that she needed him to make on the design of the old supply closet.
The idea of being caught may have intensified this steamy moment, however this could only lead to rumors and coworkers being more vigilant of you two. While at the workplace, keep things professional so as to be undetected. Have your way with him of course but I guarantee you that the lust will last for as long as you desire if discretion is key.
Destiny is knowing your path and staying on it.
It’s been too long since I’ve posted a blog. Things have been stressful, and chaotic in my life. As of lately, the calamities are somewhat settling.
Even though writing has been done in minimal capacity over the past few months, I have been thinking. I said a year ago that I would be able to quit my full-time job and be able to live off my residuals as a full-time Writer. During this time, there’s been a grandeur of changes that have rearranged my perspective.
I was recently promoted over the summer and I’m working in a group where my expertise is valued. This is the first time in all my life that I could truly say that I love what I’m doing. I thought I would only
feel that way about my writing but I’m so happy when it comes to that aspect of my life. I no longer see my 9 to 5 as a job but as a career. I am testimony that hard work pays off!
Even though I’m very vague in indulging into conversations about my personal life; I can say that things took some HUGE twists and turns! I’m still trying to sort things out so bear with me if mentally I’m still…not there.
During a random conversation with a very dear friend last week, I found myself brainstorming ideas.
When it comes to this writing, you guys know I’m not conceited but I do know that I am A BEAST! There’s nothing I can’t write nor is there anything I’m not willing to sacrifice when it comes to my gift. The sky is the limit!
However, I am my biggest critic so I find that I criticize myself a lot—I am pursuing to develop ways to critique rather than criticize. It’s definitely a journey but God makes no mistakes. For the last 7 years, I’ve been trying to leave the company that I work for. I felt undervalued and unappreciated. Little did I realize that He was preparing me for the position I’m in today. I utilize the skills I learn in my position today, to strengthen the woman I am going to be. I find that I apply the knowledge I acquire from my leaders, not to the position per se but to the place where I am currently heading.
By day, I am doing something I love but it is not my ultimate dream job. My dream job is to be a world renowned Writer. Everything that is occurring now, is strengthening me to do so. It’s easy to give up. It’s easy to become content but I want more! I want all that I deserve! I want all that my heart desires.
Destiny is knowing your path and staying on it. I am truly happy with where I am, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. I realize that God is working behind the scenes and I am willing to believe in and allow him to write the script of MY life!
The purpose for this blog is to inform you, my dedicated readers that I plan on stepping onto newer grounds. I’m going to start Vlogging—if you know me you can commiserate how terrified I am of public speaking.
I’m still doing some research and I’m practicing, practicing, practicing. I am super excited and I hope that you all continue to support me. You have all inspired me! I am humbly grateful for your dedication to my blog and my Writing World.
I won’t go into details about my new Campaign but I can tell you that it would be worth the wait.
Yesterday while cleaning my truck I saw this lying on the floor…
It’s one of my son’s toys. Now folks, even though I am Pro-Blackness/Advocate of Black Power this fist merely looks like infamous “Fist”…
It really isn’t; the toy is inadvertently propped that way. For those of you that have forgotten the kid in you, or do not have male children; Venom in short became one of Spiderman’s nemeses. The character
is a Symbiote (a sentient alien) that requires to bond with a host for
survival. Spiderman was the Symbiote’s first host and his powers were
enhanced but Spiderman soon discovered that this power was evil. Eventually he separated himself from the creature who then merged with Eddie Brock; as a result, “Venom” was created.
Okay, so back to this toy. Scroll back up and take a lot at it; Venom is headless! He’s headless because I purchased this toy for my son when he was 2 or 3 years old. He’s 7 and a half now!
Not that I spoil my kids more than the average parent does but my kids have more toys than they can play with. There are toys in my son’s bin that I can’t recall purchasing; that’s how bad it’s gotten. Growing up, I didn’t have that luxury. Presents were few and far between. Not that I am trying to fill a void but I work hard so that I can provide a little more than the basic necessities for my children.
“Venom” has been headless for at least the past 2 years. I’m cognizant of this because out of the hundreds of toys that he has; he plays with
this particular toy the most. My son plays super rough so while Venom is being defeated by the real Spiderman, his head is knocked off continuously so to avoid having to locate the head each time he starts a new play session; my son explained that “Venom doesn’t need a head”.
Frankly, I’d gotten tired of putting the head back on but anyway; I couldn’t believe that after all the expensive gifts I’ve purchased that this one continues to get so much play time.
A couple of months ago, I told my son that he should donate his toys to children who actually need them! Of course no child ‘needs’ toys, but there are those who are less fortunate and do not have the option to choose between toys. He agreed it was a great idea!
Fast forward to yesterday, I said, “You know we can find Spiderman’s head and you can add this to your donation toy box? He looked at me like I had four heads. He shrieked, then reached for Venom, “Mommy no! You can’t give him away; he’s my favorite toy!” Before I had a chance to react, he continued, “For the record, mom…this is Venom; not Spiderman!” He then went into the entire spiel about the difference. As a result I was able to explicate on it.
He held onto this headless thing like it meant the world to him. All the money I’ve spent on toys for him,
An Xbox 360…$200
Disney Infiniti… $80
3DS cartridges…$40/$50 (each)…
This Venom Action-packed figure—doesn’t make cool sounds nor is it accompanied with a truck/bike or any bells and whistles! This thing was worth, $10 but the value of it in his mind is truly, PRICELESS!!!
Here’s my question to my readers. Was there a toy you were connected with in your childhood that you can remember? Share your story—feel free to comment below, post a message on Twitter or Facebook. I look forward to hearing from you.
Thanks again for reading, guys!
This just came to me and I had to write it out. I dedicate this poem to the women with broken hearts. Sometimes when 'life happens' we tend to question everything. Love, can be one of those things.
The persona within the lines of this poem, is giving up on Love. Share your thoughts. #AskNailah
"He was love"
Portrayed the image to be the friend he wasn’t
Portrayed to be something he couldn’t
Pretended to be concerned,
Genuine, adoring, loving…
He was love.
Wrapped in a gift
That was…different to what I was used to
But his sincerity and gentility
He was love.
Kisses soft and comforting
Hugs embracing and endearing.
His touch…like nothing I’ve ever felt
I was falling…
He was love.
Told me to let go
and remove the barriers
that surrounded the things that were now...
…to do what was already done in the past:
Discard, shatter and crumble the possibility that
That lover…could give me what I so desperately
He was love…in a dream.
Because that’s the only place
During #DropAline, this poem came to life. Hope you guys enjoy:
I placed you on a pedestal because you were my king. I placed no man before. I loved no one the way; I've loved you. You destroyed what we had and I'm left...speechless. Sometimes it's easier to pretend than it is to forgive and move past a broken heart. I loved. Dove in head first. I loved and crashed into deceit. You took and took...and took some more. They say it’s better to love than to not have loved at all. I say, love played me for someone’s fool and never again will I play that game.
Heart made of gold. He gave until he couldn't give anymore. She disregarded his attempts to love her. After years of being mistreated and unloved; he left! Surprised by his reaction as he was merely responding to her cruelty; she fought to hold on to what was. Never once did she think he'd stop...giving. She punished him for leaving when staying wasn't even an option. It wasn't that she wanted to make up for being a neglectful partner; she was bitter and wanted him to pay for all the men that broke her heart. Unable to mend her wounds. Unable to continue loving someone that wasn't capable of loving herself... He never returned.
Some people are undeserving of all you may want to give them. Love is...amazingly bitter sweet. When it's right; it's right. When it's gone...it hardly ever comes back. Don't take your mate for granted. Cherish him/her for who he/she is. We all have flaws and may not always do the right thing but the key to it all is...making an effort. Love your mate enough to always put your best foot forward. No one wants to be taken for granted.
This poem is dedicated to the women that have confided in me, who’ve loved HARD and lost BIG. I want you to know that sometimes the thing we want most—may not be the thing that is best for us. Ladies, sometimes relationships get tough and you have to withstand the struggles. Then there are times when you must simply let go!
and on the days when I feel like nothing.
You show me that I can call on you for anything.
No matter how grand or minute the task
You make yourself available.
Because to you…
I am worthy of
Because to you…
I come first after God
And everyone and everything comes after.
Because to you…
As long as I’m happy your job is done.
Because to you…
When I’m remotely sad,
you believe that it is your responsibility
to make my sun shine on those rainy days.
You show me
You tell me
You’re in tune
We’re in synced.
You are my everything…
at that very moment feels right
And right back into your arms I fall
As I drift away in bliss from your kiss,
I am your queen and your lady.
Everything with you…
Cus without you; I can’t be.
Cus without you, life is incomplete.
You and I became us…
I was no longer a part of your daily routine
I was longer your queen
I became a distant memory…
Lonely with you
and at the end of the day
after all of the pain
I preferred to be alone than to live the rest of my life
hoping to one day regain what once was…
and so am I.